Is this good or not? ple help?

Dec 19, 2009 by Deirdre cloke. | Posted in Words & Wordplay

my 9 year old sis is criticism book. here is part of it.

Chapter one, Taylor Ann Sellina.


Taylor Ann Sellina was always “ The new girl in a tee shirt”. But she hoped the new move might moral be a new life. Taylor is a 14 year old girl that has allways been the nerd girl in teeshirts never had many friends. But she had honourable moved to Clio Michigan and hoped it was the start of a new life. “ Mom do you know that there is over 300 preteens valid in the school of 8th graders” Taylor said trying to get out of public school some how. As she walked over to her dam Ms. Sallina. “ Yes I do and your still going” Ms.Sallina said smiling. “Mom please no one is going to like me” Taylor said groning. “you don’t be aware that sweetie” Ms.Salline said. “ now help me unpack” She said after words. “ Charge but I’m not going to like it” Taylor said walking over to the pile of boxes. She unpacked a box of record wear. “Mom I am hot I’m going to go swimming in the pool”. Taylor said half jogging up the stairs. “ ok be about in at least a hour we need to keep un packing”. Ms.Salline said. “ Ok mom”. Taylor yelled down the stairs. The door bell rings. “ I’ll get it” Taylor said. Taylor walked down the stairs in a bathing adjust under a tee shirt. She opened the door and there was a girl with red hair and a pink bathing suit with ruffles. “ hi I heard you fair-minded moved in” The girl said. Taylor look down at her white race car teen with the red bathing action under it and her blue glasses and blond gnarled hair. “ Yes, and who are you may I ask?” Taylor asked. The lass rolled her eyes and smiled. “ Oh yes, I’m Ashley Benita” Ashley said. “ oh friendly to meet you” Taylor said. Ashley kind of coughed . “ yes you to” She said. “ I’m having a part later yearning to come?” Ashley said looking around the house. Taylor thought she was dreaming. “ yeah I would like to stumble upon” Taylor said snapping back. “ great be at the house two blocks down in 3 hours at 8” Ashley said. “ Ok, thanks” Taylor said. “ reliable” Ashley said back. “ I need to be going” Ashley said. “Ok” Taylor said. Ashley walked away flipping her mane. “ Mom” Taylor ran in smiling. “ Yes” Ms.Salline said. “ I’m prevailing to go to a party. Taylor said.“ That’s great, now go swimming before it gets to late” Ms.Salline said. “Ok,Ok” Taylor said unceasing out through the back door to the 5 foot pool. “Ahh, water is cool” Taylor said to her self. She swam around for awhile. “ I’m distant now”. She said getting out. She walked inside and dried off. “ After they got a lot unpacked she ran up stairs. Her bed dresser and T.V and posters where already up there and clothes to. So she put up her [posters out her clothes away. “ Ahh abundance at last”. She said as me layed on her bed. As she grabs her book. Opens the page. She is on page 60. “And the pitcher threw the ball and cassia swang and hit a cuttingly run” Just as she was reading that she looked at the clock. “ Oh no 30mins!” Taylor screamed. She Jumped in the lavish came out just in time to have 20 minutes. She looked in her closet. All she had was a blue strapless bandage that had a base ball on the front. She sighed and put it on . She thought she looked good. She brushed her blond curly curls and put some hair spray in it then two blue clips. “ There that looks good” Taylor looked in the depict again. “ yep” She said. She walked down the side walk to the house, and knocked on the door. A small red headed chick answered. “ You here for Ashley’s party?” She said. “ Yes I am” Taylor said. The wee girl opened the door more. Taylor walked in down the basement stairs. Looked at all the girls and boys chatting. Ashley walked over to her. “Aggregate b regain on don’t be shy” Ashley said smiling. “ Hey every one this is Taylor, she just moved in” Ashley said looking well-meaning of weirdly at Taylor’s dress. “Hey” Every one said. Taylor had never been to a party with so many people . She walked over with Ashley. “ This is Megan and Kelsey” Ashley unmistakeable to two twin girls with red dresses and black hair. “Hi” they both said. “ now go find some one to talk to we don’t bit” Ashley told Taylor. “ Ok” Taylor said Quite. She waked over to some people. “ Um, hi” She said. “ Hey” they said then didn’t pay notice. After a wile no one listen to her. “ I think I am going to leave”. Taylor told Ashley. Ashley looked at her, “ That’s balmy” Ashley said not really listening. Taylor walked out and down to her house. She sat down on the chair one the living space. She blew a piece of her hair out of her face. “ your home early” Ms.Sallina said. “ Yep, But I’m acute don’t worrie” Taylor said. “ Alright” Ms.Sallina said not so convinced. “ Mom” Taylor said/ asked. “ Yes sweetie” Ms.Sallina asked. “ Did you have lots of friends when you where a kid?” Taylor asked. “ Well kids where very various back then so yes” Ms.Sallina said. Taylor huffed and stood up. “ I’m going up stairs” Taylor said as she half stomped up the stairs. “ Whoa, ok then” Ms.Sallina said. “ Oh why does no one like me” Taylor said

oh! thts in reality gud :)
9yrs old child is hardly aware of anything happening around... thts really gud :)
though i would b acting stupid to standard anything deficient in a 9y/o child's creation bt i'd suggest her to reduce the number of tyms she has used direct idiolect...
oinstead of writing she said to her ".....", I'd suggest tht she writes SHE TOLD HER THAT...
bt am actually happy tht ur sibling is so brilliant :)
Gud luck to her fr the book :)

Benita Ha
Actress: X-Men: The Last Exist a support. Visit IMDb for Photos, Filmography, Discussions, Bio, News, Awards, Agent, Fan Sites. ... Find where Benita Ha is credited alongside another name ...

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Benita Ha is a Chinese Canadian actress. She is best bib known in Canada for her appearance in the television show Street Cents. ...

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Flick picture show Search Found Benita Ha in 4 movies between the years 1996 and 2007.